Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
