That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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