I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
