He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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