Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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