omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
