sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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