fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
