did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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