Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
