uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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