I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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