Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
