dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
