And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
