I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
