You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
