When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
