I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
