So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
