some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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