wrigley field is MILF paradise
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Soap is not a condiment
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
