the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
