I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
