don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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