I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
