I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
