Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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