You made eat vitamins until I threw up
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
