I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
