I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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