Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
