you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
