well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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