I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
