He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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