we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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