He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
