I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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