Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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