Yo dont text me then not text me
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
