left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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