i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
