I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
