No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
