I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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