the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
