id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
