Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
