I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
