If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
