this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
