Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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