also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
