This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
