I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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