omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
