I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
