He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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